Oh hey, welcome back, good to see you again. Here, have a seat, I've got just the thing for you. Today's special is all about the basics of bartending and prepping drinks. I'll be covering four main areas: Knowledge, Etiquette, Quality, and Efficiency. Those are the four orders of barcraft you would do well to develop if you wish to become a master of mixtromancy, a wizard of the pisser'd; a truly powerful pourcerer. But first! Progress, progress, progress. How little of thee I have been making...
I've underestimated just how little time I have to spend on the project this month, and just how much of a hindrance being broke is on the project. Nobody likes excuses though, and the exact reason this month's challenge has taken so long to get to. So, as always, don't let excuses get in the way. The joy of working towards my goals still overshadows the dissatisfaction of not being able to produce the results I'd like. In the last week I have managed to decide that my signature drink for the month is going to be a platform for an apple brandy I purchased yesterday. Gold stars if you can figure out why I might come to such a decision (Hint: it has nothing to do with a love for apple brandy, and everything to do with lame drink names). I've also been practicing my pours/mixing technique and researching what I can only assume is all the drinks. I've also managed to get a little flair practice in, by means of a Franken-like monster I will smugly claim proprietorship over (and I doubt anybody will care enough to argue) which combines fitness and flair. I'll have more details, and probably a delightfully awful name I put more effort into than the workouts themselves, in the following week. That's where I'm at, so without further adieu...
Knowledge
Know your shit! If you're in the industry, the more you know about your products, your cocktails, your practices, and the specifics of your workplace, the better off you'll be. It goes without saying, but being better informed allows you to make better decisions when it comes to things like preparing or recommending drinks, and let's face it; when the bartender tells you the brandy you're drinking (you pretentious asshole) was accidentally invented because they had too much wine and couldn't carry it all, you suddenly trust this glorified drug dealer with all your drank deliveries for the rest of the night.
It's fascinating how interested people are in the things they put inside their bodies (please exercise some restraint, gentlemen), and people are almost always enthusiastic about imbibing whilst they imbibe. On that note, it's wise to keep in mind that bartending is one of many service professions where conversation is both expected and beneficial, so it's safe to say that the worldly bartender who can speak in at least some part to any topic is one who will excel at keeping any customer who walks through the doors engaged, and by those means, drinking. So basically, the secret to success is just to know everything, all the time. It's simple. Knowledge should slither into all aspects of what you do, and it's a solid foundation for the other three sections.
For those who just want to drink from the safety of their own home, well, again I emphasize that knowledge is power.
Etiquette
The first thing you probably associate with etiquette and alcohol is this. I know, it's uncanny how flawlessly I'm able to peer into your subconscious. However, it is so much more than tiny penguins with bowties serving you wine. If you're in fine dining, you should absolutely know important practices like serving wine from the right, and snorting coke from the bathroom vanity; but your appearance, your demeanor, and the way you interact with your environment (be it a cocktail glass or a living, breathing, complaining patron) all convey some form of etiquette, good or bad.
Where you work is ultimately going to decide what's required of you for appearance and serving practices. The rest is up to you. Greetings should be warm and abundant. Farewells too, for that matter. Feel free to bring your own style and personality to the table, just remember who's paying your tips. As true to life as it is to the bar, your usefulness to a person is highly proportional to how much they are going to like you. If you have something to offer that is in demand, your tip jar and your bar stools shouldn't stay empty for long. Fast hands? Dazzle em' with a little flair. Good sense of humour? Tell the guy walking into the bar about the guy who walked into a bar. Cute girl? Literally just serve those half-sloshed bros who obviously went out of their way to come to your section of the bar so they could take 2 minutes to order a round of goddamn Burt Reynolds. And always be good to your other staff. Unless they're pricks.
For the casual drinker, just be a damn good host. Oh and alcohol is a great way to impress that special somebody, just sayin'.
Craftsmanship
Again, it's knowing your drinks, and knowing what tastes, smells, and looks good. Using the right ingredients and taking pride in the final product. Tasting drinks before they're served (not like this), and modifying them as necessary. Playing and practicing with different creations. Research new and better ways to make drinks. Working on expanding your palette is also a big part. Everybody has different tastes, and being more in tune with individual preferences is an incredibly valuable skill.
Or you could just say fuck it and have some fun.
Efficiency
The faster you are and the more efficient you can make drinks, the more people you can serve, the more money you can make. What else do you need to know? Well that's what I'm hoping to tell you next week, where I'll be working on some really practical moves that demand a certain level of skill to execute, but are rewarding on their own, simply in the time saved. Not to mention you generally look pretty badass if you can do some advanced techniques.
Anyways, that's it for now. This week's post is a little on the general side, but there's some solid info in the links from people who know way more than I do, and the last bit was rushed because it's late and I want to go to bed. Good night, and stay thirsty, my friends.
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